Hello to you all and we hope you have had a good week? The leaves have turned all shades of russet and gold here and are starting to leave their branch homes. We watched a strand of cobweb laced from Tim’s van aerial to a telecoms cable, as it glinted in the early morning sunshine today. A wonder to behold. Our postbag is varied and we’re sharing two and privately replying to the rest. Tim & Jane. X
I am drowning in the things I need to get done. Every day is a struggle and I have lost any time for myself. To live a good and full life we are taught to help others, so where am I going wrong? HG, Southampton, UK
Tim: We all do it. It’s so easy to take on just one more task, but we rarely have the time, especially these days. Put yourself first. It’s not wrong to say ‘No, thank you.’
Jane: Hello HG, you are not going wrong, it’s a simple adjustment of balance. It is lovely to help others, but never at the expense of yourself. If you can take care of yourself first, then you will be able to take care of others too. A loving ‘rule of thumb’ is to ask yourself; ‘Can I really afford the time to do this?’ ‘Am I putting others’ needs before my own?’ Start by saying ‘No’ to future requests for a day/week/month which will create some time for yourself. Set an intention on time and stick to it. Others will ask if you always say ‘Yes’ and this builds expectation in them and adds pressure on you. A bit of time and space will help you get clear on what you need and what you must do for yourself. You come first, my lovely. Your needs matter. Saying ‘No’ when you need to will help you to put yourself first and restore some balance for you. Hugs. X
I have been chatting to a man online (on a dating site) for nearly a year now. Last week he went quiet. No hint of why or what has happened to him. His profile is still live and shows that he has been online every day. I have sent a few messages, but he has not responded. We were getting on so well. I don’t understand what’s happened. SW, San Francisco, USA
Tim: A year’s a long time to keep a relationship ‘virtual’, so perhaps it had gone as far as it could. Get back on the horse, get back on the dating site and meet someone new. But move it from the virtual and into real-life next time.
Jane: Hello SW, I can understand how disappointed you must be feeling. We all have a need for explanations to settle us when something upsetting happens. There could be many reasons why he has gone silent, and you will probably never find out why. The upset comes from the investment of time and emotion from you. No experience is ever wasted, I promise. He has clearly shown you how he operates and treats others and that draws a clear line that you are both operating along different lines. Dust yourself off and start talking to someone else. Hugs. X
Please feel free to send your questions to email@example.com and we wish you all a lovely week to come.
Tim & Jane. X