Two Views ~ Friday 19th November 2021

Hello, it has been a busy week for you all and that is reflected in our postbag. Life can get so hectic, especially at this time of year, that just one extra challenge can make it all feel too much. We hope you are finding some time to just be, share in the simple things and find joy in moments. My Mum put us in touch with a local milkman and it’s a delight to have milk delivered in glass bottles. Friday’s treat is a bottle of banana milk. Happy Days. Love to you all. Tim and Jane. X

I work with my best friend, and she has told me she is stealing from work. I am very worried about her and feel bad because the company is a family firm and they have been so kind to us all. I’m losing sleep about this and don’t know what to do. VB, Pretoria

Tim: Awful that she’s placed a burden on your shoulders. Give her an ultimatum. Stop now or you have no alternative but to inform the powers that be. It’s for her own good plus it’s unfair as you’re now complicit.

Jane: Hello VB, you feel for your friend, which is understandable, as your loyalties are torn. This speaks to your integrity and life values and the most loving thing you can do, for you and all concerned, is keep it simple. Tell her clearly that you are going to have to speak to your employers if she does not stop. See which choice she makes and then make your own choice. Her choices are not your burden to carry. Hugs, Jane. x

I think my wife is cheating on me. I am sure of it but have no proof. I have tried to pay her more attention at home and be as helpful as I can, but she is still going out often. This has been going on ever since the last lockdown ended. Do you think I am imagining it? I am afraid to start any kind of conversation about it. JH, London

Tim: You must ask her the question, ‘Are you having an affair?’

Jane: Hello JH, I feel for you, yet silence is causing this to become a mountain in your mind. The situation may be different from the one you imagine, as there could be many reasons for your wife going out. Communication is key, my lovely, always. You are both building and nurturing your relationship together and you will never know unless you start a conversation with her. Try and keep your words gentle and open. ‘We’ve both been so busy lately, is there a chance for us to spend some time together?’ Something along these lines will help to create a space for you both to talk. Your marriage matters to you, that much is clear. Share those feelings with her. Hugs, Jane. x

Please feel free to send your questions to and we wish you all a lovely week to come.

Tim & Jane. X

21 thoughts on “Two Views ~ Friday 19th November 2021”

  1. In both cases, communication is the key. I love how compassionate you explained it. The message remains: Whatever you do, whatever you say, do it with love.

  2. A best friend would never let a best friend carry that burden. Your advice is terrific. As far as the husband thinking his wife is cheating is concerned there are many ways to begin the conversation. My thought for the husband runs to him saying “I was thinking of having an affair but wanted to check with you first to see if it is okay.” Of course, I’m a fiction writer with a bent sense of humor.

      1. Well if he brings it up like that there are no accusations that might cause a rift. Also, he can be in the high road position of demonstrating full trust by asking permission. 😂

  3. Hi Jane, you and Tim offered great advice, and these are two tough and heartbreaking situations. As the others have said which I agree, communication is the key and always will be. I love your phrase, “mountain in the mind.” Isn’t that the truth, how we can conjure up a scenario that doesn’t even exist. I know I’m guilty. Thus, our thoughts can be our worse enemy. I also love the idea have having milk delivered. Hugs to you! xoxo

    1. Lovely Lauren, I am guilty of this too. I have to pull my thoughts to a halt before they spiral out of control. I hear you! <3 We've gifted ourselves a milk crate. Such fun... xXx Much love and hugs flowing to you. <3 xXx

  4. Wow, interesting shares today UB and Tim. Dilemmas for sure where confrontation is necessary in both cases. Nobody likes that part, but essential to get to the bottom of things, better than carrying the angst. Great advice as always. Hugs and love flowing to you my UB xoxoxo <3 <3

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