Hello and welcome to the first Friday edition of our advice column in October. Tim & Jane. X
My boyfriend has decided to break up with me. We’ve been dating for just over two years, and I thought we were doing really well, especially since we managed to stay together during all the lockdowns. He refuses to discuss it any further and just says he can’t cope anymore. I am heartbroken and don’t know what to do. SD, London
Tim: Hopefully there’s a silver lining for you. Pick yourself up and rise above it.
Jane: Hello SD, this feels painful for both of you, and I sense much loving-kindness is needed. Please give yourself as much time as you need to adjust to the change, especially as it is a sudden one. He sounds as if he is in difficulties and the kindest thing to do is to wish him well. If you feel able to, then you could ask him if he needs support to find help with how he is feeling. You are under no obligation to do this though. You can wish him well and then shift your focus and energy onto you. Thank goodness the lockdowns have eased, and you are able to get out and explore new things to do. This is all about you making the time to re-shuffle your routine, ease away from the reminders of him and the things you did together and explore and discover things that bring nurture in for you. Hugs, Jane X
I have worked for the same company since I left school and cover a clerical role in their finance department. I love the work and do not want to do anything else. Since the first lockdown, I have been working from home and enjoy the peace and quiet. All the admin and finance staff are now being moved back to work in the office. It is being done on a staggered basis and I am expected to start back in November. I am dreading it, but my company is keen to have everyone back. JT, Leeds
Tim: Ask yourself how much you like your job and whether it’s worth all the dread and upset. If you don’t want to return to the office, then don’t. Perhaps you should start looking for a new job that’s permanently ‘remote’ working. Vote with your feet.
Jane: Hello JT. It is yet another change for you to adjust too and I can understand why you are finding the thought of it hard. Are you able to ask your employers for a change-over period, where you could be in the office for a few days and then work from home for the rest of the week? Just a few weeks of this will help ease you back in. Another thought is possibly taking some headphones in with you, so you could zone out while you do some aspects of your work. Maybe taking a break outside in the fresh air at lunchtime would help to re-charge your batteries during the workday? You love your work and your role in this company and that loving energy will rise up and carry you through. Hugs, Jane X
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Tim & Jane. X