Hello and welcome to another Friday edition of our advice column. We have had a variety of questions in our postbag, which we have answered privately, having decided to publish these two as they highlight a few challenges that many are facing. Tim & Jane. X
I am finding it so hard to feel upbeat about anything and friends are trying to cheer me up and remind me of the blessings in my life. It is just making me feel worse rather than better. I am grateful for my life and yet I feel down. I find myself getting defensive. BT, Montreal
Tim: It’s taken a lot of inner strength to get through the last eighteen months, but each day the light gets a little brighter. Try and find your own way back to your old self.
Jane – Hello, BT, how you are feeling is understandable and given what has unfolded globally over the last year and a half, I promise you are not alone. Finding a safe space to express how you feel is key for you. However lovingly meant, advice to count your blessings, cheer up, see the positive, etc. can end up shaming you into feeling bad for feeling as you do in the first place. This just heaps guilt into the mix for you. It can easily become about how uncomfortable others feel and their desire to ‘fix’ how you are feeling, to ease their own discomfort. I will message privately with details of organisations of people who will simply listen. This can take time, yet in the space they gift you to free your own feelings, you can hear your own thoughts. Hugs, Jane x
There is someone I was close to until recently. After years of upset and drama, I have chosen to step away and I did explain why to them at the time. They are telling lies to anyone who will listen, twisting everything that happened, and I want to defend myself, yet fear there will never be an end to this if I do. What do you suggest? TT, Sydney
Tim: Keep your head down and the storm will pass. Inaction is not a lack of character.
Jane: Hello TT, you had the courage to speak your truth and step away, my lovely. Hold onto that thought and your courage. If someone feels wronged and has the need to create drama, then the facts will never stop them. Facts rarely tally with the narrative being spun. It is their perception, and you are right, nothing you do will stop them from telling what they perceive as their truth. It is yet more drama, and you are now free from it. Staying silent is hard, but it will help you in the long run to maintain your balance and inner peace. The drama is only yours if you choose to own it. The more you stay silent, the sooner the drama will cease. Those who are listening and believing what is being said are also making their own choices. So be it. Let it be. Silence is a choice, and you have the peace to create a new life for
yourself. Hugs, Jane X
Thank you to everyone who wrote to us this week, as we appreciate your trust. It is lovely to connect with you all.
Please feel free to send your questions to email@example.com and we wish you all a lovely week to come.
Tim & Jane. X